Friendship, all roses and stuff, right?
Well if any of you have ever talked to anyone for an extended period of time you would have realised that A) you were excited about the next possible conversation or B) you were counting the seconds until you never had to talk to this person again…
Ok so maybe it isn’t that cut and dry. But what we do know is that it is very possible! Friendship is incredibly important in our development as people. From the time we were children we started learning about building friendship. Friendship can be so fulfilling, and also completely frustrating. Why so extreme? Well firstly there are correct and incorrect boundaries we give people access to in our lives ie. A parent placing a child into a friend roll, rather than a kid roll, you can read about that right HERE actually.
So, “Who do I let inside the fence or not?” Ok so you aren’t going to let someone abusive in, we don’t need to go down that road, let’s assume that these are decent people we are dealing with. Assuming that you have found a decent person, we really want to get to know the real them, but to do this we need to be willing to show this person the REAL me! “Me?! What? Shouldn’t they be the one that opens up?” Leading the charge for openness in friendship is going to be a key of real friendship.
Letting people in can be a very difficult step, abuse, hurt, pain, broken trust, are very valid reasons why we are reluctant to allow people inside. The problem is that we can use these as excuses to not move forward. We really need to start trying to overcome these heartaches. Isolation WILL NOT fix them! Having no people around, won’t help the wounds heal, it will not help us trust again. It will actually lock us up tighter, making it near impossible to overcome the fear of openness in ourselves again.
Know what really helps us overcome these things? Just getting involved with people. Painful much? Ya at first it will be. But in time it will become natural, it will start to flow, it will allow us to open up, because the guards start to drop. Opening up and taking ownership over our action is THE KEY to building friendships, and being a REAL friend. We are all hungry for reality, we want it! We watch shows that imitate reality because we desire it so much.
I want to be a great friend to my peers, to do that I know I must be transparent. When I am transparent it is easy to see my motive, others feel less threatened because I have placed myself into the position of vulnerability. When I do this, they themselves want to open up, because I am open, and that very vulnerability, has created an environment of strength! Where real friendship can flourish!